Weakness

As spring makes its way, the ground begins to peak out from under the snow. And when the ground becomes exposed, so do all the smells. It’s another favorite time of year for Bruno. Not only does he take in every smell he can, occasionally he ferrets out something to eat. Yesterday I found myself fishing a chicken bone out of his mouth. I find it interesting that when I want to take his bone away, I’m met with at least a grumble but when I’m extracting something yummy that he pilfered from the ground, he willingly gives it up, almost laughing at me because now it’s slimy. Call it his weakness.

I started walking Bruno on a new route this week. I don’t know if that was a mistake because with bassets, probably most dogs, the language is, “Always and never.” We always go that way. You never give me what I really want. From what I’ve heard, sounds like kids, too. On this new route of just 10 blocks, I found eight houses for sale, two of them empty. I used to drive past car lots and think to myself, all of these cars will go home with someone at some point. I don’t know about the houses. They can’t possibly all get a new resident. There are too many. The housing market remains very weak.

In the past three weeks, I’ve had an incredible flurry of interviews and I still haven’t been hired. I can’t seem to figure out where I’m weak on a consistent basis and yet strong enough to be interviewed. When I’ve asked for advice from friends, I’ve been told that someone else simply rose a little higher. At the end of last week, after two rejections on the same day, I sent an email that I later regretted. I had asked a friend why I wasn’t hired nearly a year ago. My intention was pure – I wanted to understand what I could have done better, said better, proven better. That was a mistake. He had already shared the reasons months ago. A moment of professional weakness, and five days later I’m still beating myself up for it because he is truly a wonderful person and that email may have been interpreted as a guilt trip. I did ask that my email be disregarded, that I acted on a weak moment. And, I can’t take it back.

So how do I move forward? I just do. I have to. Tomorrow I have a phone interview.